Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Sebastian's LiveJournal:

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Thursday, February 21st, 2008
10:12 pm	new band name vanilli x 10-6 discuss. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, October 21st, 2007
9:47 am	Deepthought of a couple days ago songwriting = answering questions you'd like to be asked (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, October 16th, 2007
4:58 pm	yes to reality, i say (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, October 15th, 2007
4:40 pm	Art is concentrated life. Life is concentrated art. Discuss. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, August 7th, 2007
10:34 pm	the bad part about reading my witty old journal entries is that it makes me think i'm retrogressing . Current Mood: oh yeah, horny (1 Comment |Comment on this)
10:17 pm	last updated 83 weeks ago maybe i'll write in this again sometimes and check "Sebastian's friends" maybe i went to 12 concerts in july. Current Mood: awake Current Music: regina spektor in my head (Comment on this)
Monday, January 2nd, 2006
2:23 pm	blog.myspace.com/thebachs that's how i roll. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, July 23rd, 2005
1:52 pm	over the course of the past two weeks: i fell in love with an amazing beautiful girl from mexico city the amazing beautiful girl from mexico city fell in love with me we wrote a love song together which we were both writing about each other unbeknownst to the other i wrote her another love song for her and played it for her and she didn't know it was a love song last night we finally found out we liked each other, moments after she had made out with another guy, a mutual friend, whom she had rejected a week prior because she liked me (and told him that) i felt really stupid and hurt her incredibly sweet compliments salted my wounds [awkwardest silence ever] [hapless attempt to reach some kind of resolution] we said goodbye and i might never see her again Current Music: "fate won't be stronger than our movements" (11 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, June 21st, 2005
12:05 pm	"A Message to Chicago from Billy Corgan" (full-page ad in Chicago Tribune) Today is a special day in my life as it marks the release of my very first solo album 'TheFutureEmbrace.' For over 17 years I have been proud to represent Chicago as an artist through my words and music, and am continually humbled by the undying love that I have been shown from this city as one of its native sons. I'd like to take this moment to address all that is going on in my musical life, from the new album and the current tour, to the future of The Smashing Pumpkins. I had the opoortunity to record 'TheFutureEmbrace' CD here in Chicago, and its embers bear witness to this town's unique soul. I have done my very best to create something fresh and exciting to listen to, and I hope you get the chance to check it out. Having just returned from a tour of Europe, I am now set to play 18 additional dates in North America, beginning tomorrow in Atlanta. After that we head to Japan, and then Australia and New Zealand for the first time since 1998. 'TheFutureEmbrace' is an album of hope, and represents fully my desire to make music to stand and to fight for. Encouraged by the musical progress of the record, I have already begun writing new songs for a subsequent solo album I hope to start by the end of this year. Plans are still in the works to finish my 'ChicagoSongs' DVD, a group of songs about the city. I'm also in the process of writing my life story on-line, updated almost daily and not so ironically entitled 'The Confessions of Billy Corgan.' It truly has been a creative time for me, with many new revelations. Many have assumed that the decisions that I have made over the last few years have been to try to get away from something. But what I have been really trying to do is find that same kid again, the one who believed he could change the world with a song. There is an old saying that goes "you can't go home again," but I believe that your home is wherever your heart lies. When I played the final Smashing Pumpkins show on the night of Devember 2, 2000, I walked off the Metro stage believing that I was forever leaving a piece of my life behind. I naively tried to start a new band, but found that my heart wasn't in it. I moved away to pursue a love that I once had but got lost. So I moved back home to heal what was broken in me, and to my surprise I found what I was looking for. I found that my heart is in Chicago, and that my heart is in The Smashing Pumpkins. For a year now I have walked around with a secret, a secret I chose to keep. But now I want you to be among the first to know that I have made plans to renew and revive The Smashing Pumpkins. I want my band back, and my songs, and my dreams. In this desire I feel I have come home again. 'TheFutureEmbrace' respresents a new beginning, not an ending. It picks up the thread of the as-yet-unfinished work and charter of The Smashing Pumpkins. I know this city gave me the gift of my music, and it is my honor to share this love that I have with you from the bottom of my heart. There is still so much work to do, and as always, so little time! Rock on and may God bless you! Billy Corgan Current Mood: horny (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, June 16th, 2005
10:09 pm	billy hi. i am trying to win this billy corgan contest. it's highly unlikely i will, but you should go here anyway and listen to his new album: http://www.bandbuilder.com/billy_corgan/index.php?ref_code=D59999 it comes out next tuesday. it's really good. oh yeah, and the contest is based on how many times the above link is accessed. thanks. p.s. if anybody wants to see billy in san francisco with me on july 17, let me know. i have an extra ticket. it cost me $54. Current Mood: horny Current Music: "mina loy (m.o.h.)" - billy corgan (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, June 15th, 2005
3:32 am	unsent e-mail i was a little jealous. i'm not gonna lie. Current Mood: boo (10 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, June 3rd, 2005
11:30 am	daily happening 11:27am: while i'm walking the dog, a jovial old man with a long white beard (and no shirt on) rides by on bicycle, winks at me. Current Mood: horny Current Music: "hold me" - weezer (in my head) (12 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, June 2nd, 2005
9:38 pm	whaaaa oh my god. did you guys know that none other than ringo starr's son, ZAK STARKEY, is now playing drums in oasis? unbelievable. Current Mood: horny Current Music: cure - just like heaven (in my head) (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, May 26th, 2005
9:29 pm	it's 9:29. i'm going to try to go to sleep. starting when i wake up and continuing until my death in 2071, i will have a wonderful magical life. Current Mood: horny (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, May 19th, 2005
11:05 pm	guess who's back i think maybe the best line in a song ever is in that one eminem song...i think it's the one that goes "guess who's back, back again, shady's back," etc...i don't really remember the song very well or remember actually liking it that much for that matter, but towards the beginning he says, "i settled all my lawsuits." that part is awesome. that's how i feel right now. i love letting go. let's hang out this summer. i only have one more month to drink illegally. no more beer though. only bitch drinks for me. Current Mood: horny Current Music: that eminem song in my head (7 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, May 15th, 2005
1:50 am	i luv noise tonight i saw a sort of hardcore band...just fuzz bass, drums, & screaming (the pope)...followed by a band that sounds sort of like video game music mixed with classic rock (bad dudes)...followed by noodling, left wing propaganda, and NOISE (amps for christ)...followed by another hardcore instrumental band, just drums & guitar (goliath birdeater). i went directly from this show to a party at my friend libbie's house. i walk in and she is playing/singing a beautiful song on the piano. this is not a non-sequiter, no not by no means isn't it...it is exactly what the night requires to achieve balance, and in this beautiful moment it makes me very grateful to be alive... i love melodic music and listen to it almost exclusively. but tonight i realized something: i really love noise. i wish i was the guy who thought of it in the first place. it's just so exciting because there really are no rules! i definitely will try my hand at making noise at some point in my musical life. there are four songs coming off the bachs album, and don't come crying to me about it. everybody knows 66 minutes is too long for a debut independent album that no one could give two shits about. "happy now?" and "i don't care" had to go because they just sounded crappy to me...not crappy, just not good enough. with two rockers off, "good fight" must go or else the album is too soft. and as much as i like it, "sarcastick" just doesn't fit anywhere. "come see me" flows into "adam" beautifully...whereas "sarcastick" feels awkward no matter where i put it. (i'm sorry ben). the new tracklist is a still substantial 45 or so minutes: Parasitic Twin Famous This Is The Shit Bad Idea Just Yesterday Tomorrow's Another Day Fall of an Empire Doo Doo Come See Me Adam and the Medium-sized Star Clear Night Hidden Song as much as i like to go out of my way to be dif-ferent (-ficult?), this is a much better album and i can't say i am doubting this decision at all. i don't know what else to say. dan gerchik, marie ishikawa, and libbie schrader are fucking awesome people. i'm really enjoying being a human being lately and not worrying too much about being a rockstar. i had a crazy asthma attack yesterday morning, the worst i've had in probably 10 years. i babysat hannah and watched the heat-wizards game tonight. it was wonderful. ming lu came and tuned our piano. wilbur's eye is swollen and red. i'll call the vet tomorrow. i'm taking steroids and antibiotics for my asthma. i graduate from the recording technology program on saturday. also nadia is taking our album cover photo. robyn is getting all the artwork together for me. thanks dudettes. we still don't have a drummer. once school is out i am (maybe) getting a new computer and pro tools and (definitely) recording a 5 song ep which is tentatively titled "Driveway EP" and shall tentatively contain the following songs: Driveway, My Condolences, I'm Sad, All the Same, I'm the One I Love i wish i wrote about coachella but i think it's too late now. nine inch nails were incredible. immortal technique as well. stacy dupree from eisley is my hero. weezer's new stuff sucks. i worked at the campsite at coachella. i worked 21 hours straight before the show started so i basically was off the rest of the time (and hence got to see all the bands i wanted to...for free). i made out with a girl in her tent at 3am while i was supposed to be working. i felt cool. oh, i'm in another band i think, it's called enid the dowl and i play lead guitar and sing a little bit in the background. art is playing bass. lauren and dick on the lead vox/rhythm guitar and drums respectively. it's pretty poppy 90s rock type shit, and damned if jamming with them isn't some of the funnest jamming i've ever done. and they are really cool folks. played two shows with them so far, both of which sucked for different reasons, but eventually we'll play a show that kicks ass. fucking tired.. . . . . ..... Current Mood: horny Current Music: "glendora" - rilo kiley (in my head) (7 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, April 17th, 2005
10:42 pm	conversations over strawberry pancakes & in parked cars "Do you ever wonder what it's going to be like? I sure do. To have a different kind of connection to the universe...a whole new experience that I'll get to understand, and you'll just have no idea. Be jealous." - my grandma (paraphrased), to my mom & I, in regards to death (perhaps the coolest thing I have ever heard anyone say in my entire life) My grandma isn't dying. In fact, she's quite healthy. But she is 83 years old. And just knowing she's so at peace with her own mortality makes me so happy for her. And it just makes me feel more optimistic about existence in general. For as long as I can remember, my grandma Pat and my grandpa Bill (step-grandpa I guess you'd more accurately say) have lived in Sun City, California during the fall & winter and Anaconda, Montana during the spring & summer. Winter before last they never came back to Sun City because Bill was so sick. He's a few years older than Grandma...86 or 87 I think, and I don't ever remember him standing up for more than a minute or so at a time. He rarely leaves the house. But he's hanging in there. They recently put the Sun City house up for sale, and they're moving to Anaconda for good in 2 weeks. The trip back and forth has just gotten to be too much for them. So I've been spending as much time with them as I can. My mom and I and sometimes Allie have been going to church with her (as well as my aunt, uncle, and cousin, who live in Sun City also). I've grown to really like the pastor a lot. He's a very warm and insightful person. And he's completely welcoming and non-judgmental. I actually played one of my songs in church last Sunday. It was very well-received and I know it made my grandma & my mom very happy & proud. It was actually really fun...the only problem being that my voice was kind of scratchy given how early in the day it was. (No one seemed to notice). Mom and I have decided to keep going to the church at least once a month after grandma leaves, even though it takes over an hour to get there. I've never considered myself a Christian, I don't consider myself one now, and I doubt I ever will, but I definitely believe in God and I definitely believe in the power of love and kindness and, yes, positivity. (Sorry to go all Corgan on everyone). Something about that church really has helped me feel better the past few weeks. I do need to be reminded about God every once in a while...I do need to be recharged. And sometimes I need to be reminded that bad things happen for a reason. Or maybe not exactly that...maybe just that even painful things can be dealt with in positive ways that can actually bring about changes that are ultimately positive. It has been a hard month or so because I've been feeling a mounting distance between myself and someone I'd grown quite close to (I didn't realize just how close until the distancing started...how's that song go again?) We met 6 months ago. We started dating 3 months ago. We had been boyfriend and girlfriend for 2 months. I hadn't even seen her for a couple weeks. We broke up last night. (Is taking a break the same as breaking up?) It was tough but mostly I felt relieved to get it over with. And I was extremely grateful that we were both able to completely set aside all our petty disagreements and be completely upfront and kind with one another. I'm so glad that we can be friends and that she doesn't blame me for screwing up our relationship. Don't get me wrong, there are a lot of things that I believe I could have and should have done differently. But I know those things are not the reasons we can't be together. Part of me knew that all along I think, but I really needed to hear her say it. She is a wonderful, beautiful, utterly inspiring person. I'm lucky to have her friendship. (Comment on this)
Friday, April 8th, 2005
9:50 am	:) thanks brant+kat (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, February 20th, 2005
12:28 pm	Four Day Weekend When I was 12 or 13 and in my first band I wrote a song called "Four Day Weekend." Actually my friend Phil wrote the music and I wrote the lyrics & melody. I think it was about how I was all overwhelmed and then we had a four day weekend off from school so I had time to actually catch up with some stuff so I didn't feel like I was going insane anymore (at least for a day or two). It was a happy song. I guess I haven't changed too much since then. It's nice to know that I knew then what I wanted to do with my life and have been trying to do it ever since. It's even nicer to know that I'm only halfway through this four day weekend. I've had the flu since last Friday, so over a week now, and it was pretty yucky for a while, but I think it's mild enough now as to be neglibible (as long as I don't do anything particularly strenuous the next couple days). Yesterday I watched NBA All-Star Saturday, and it was tremendously entertaining. The dunk contest really was the best I'd seen in a long time. Josh Smith rules. He's younger than me. It seems I must have known a Josh Smith at some point in my life. If I did know a Josh Smith, the Josh Smith I knew is probably also older than the Josh Smith from the NBA. I'll be watching the NBA All-Star Game this evening at 5. I need to start watching more basketball. I miss it. Oh yeah, I got a new car...err...a car. It's not new at all. It's a white 1991 Toyota...uh...something that starts with a C. It's small. It has a seat belt and a completely separate shoulder belt. I like it. I think it's a Corolla. I think I'll name it Adam Corolla. Last night it became officially mine and I pried the Jesus fish off the back with my bare hands! Because I'm strong!! Take that, Jesus!!! Current Mood: horny Current Music: mates of state (in my head) (18 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, January 29th, 2005
1:25 pm	and love, just like blood, will always stain there it is. the work of 8 months (or my whole life, depending on how you look at it) compressed onto a wee shiny compact disc. take heed, world! i can honestly say i'm proud of it, and i'm confident about my future as a professional musician, as naive as that may be. it's definitely more real to me than lots of things that other people take for granted (and which soar above my head)...speaking of my shortcomings, i currently have the closest thing to a girlfriend-who-lives-in-the-same-state-as-me as i've ever had (i.e. i've never had one). i guess even making it this far should feel like an accomplishment, but opening the door to that emotion re-opens the door to the emotions surrounding 20 1/2 years of failure (or from the onset of puberty, 9 1/2 years). and besides that, i have this sinking feeling in my stomach like it's already over, or at least something's really wrong. i don't want to keep getting this feeling. but i really don't want to be alone. and i'll still have feelings for her no matter what i do...or don't do. i guess i'm just really confused. maybe it will turn out okay though. maybe. i've been forgetting things lately, for example i was supposed to have jury duty, and then i forgot to go, then they sent me something in the mail saying "you didn't come, and you suck, and you have to come this time or else we're going to lock your ass away." and then i forgot to go again. i don't feel like there's any time for anything, it's just all gone. right now there are lots of things i need to be doing, but i can't do lots of things right now, i can only do like one thing. i guess this is one of the things though, at least. i can't wake up in the morning. the only way i'll make it through this semester is if i start going to bed early, which really seems almost impossible. late nights are pretty much the only times i actually get anything done, and 90% of my songs are written late at night...ugh. i need to go to the dentist. i missed two appointments. i need to pay for missing them. i decided at some point in the last couple months that i don't want my band to be called "the bachs." and i had two other names that i was really keen on, but they were both spoken for. the new name is "super imposers." deal with it. the whole album is on my website now (including 192k vbr for jason). i'd be quite curious to know if it moves you. it's hard for me to believe fully in my brain's attempts to simulate outside perspective. love to all my bitches Current Mood: horny Current Music: "fell down the stairs" - tilly & the wall (in my head) (20 Comments |Comment on this)